


"In The Company of Women"

by helenkacan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Determination, Episode Tag, Memories, Multi, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 06:39:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6041902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helenkacan/pseuds/helenkacan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SUMMARY:  Teyla is alone and separated from her people at a time when she otherwise would be (and should be) empowered.</p><p>POV:  Written in the first person, Teyla's POV.</p><p>QUOTE:  I miss the women.  Our weekly gatherings by the hot springs.  Our joy in being female, in celebrating the distinct stages of life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"In The Company of Women"

**Author's Note:**

> EPISODE-TAG: to S4.13, _Quarantine_
> 
> RATING: FRM-R (soft), for ritualised group encounters between women.
> 
> CATEGORIES: het, slash, backstory of Teyla's life
> 
> DEDICATION: To all women who sail through the mysteries of life with confidence and joy in their sexuality.

I am alone and safely returned to my quarters in the city after a day in which I did not know whether I or anyone else would have survived. I am relieved to be able to write my thoughts down in this journal.

When John left me alone in the lab to mount a foolhardy but necessary rescue attempt, I had nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.

These people, they are so similar and, yet, they are strangers to me, to the traditions of my people, the traditions of the women.

I miss them all with an ache that overwhelms me, threatens to push the child, our son, out of my body before his time, replacing it with the rawness of unresolved grief, uncertainty about the whereabouts of the Athosians. Where are you, my beloved? Are you alive? Where are you, my sisters? Who has taken you away from me?

At least it is a small comfort not to have to hide my condition – and how I have disliked using the word – from John, from my team, from my new friends. I dress with the freedom the women of Athos always had. Our bodies are not hidden. The mysteries of life are not veiled against the gaze of others. What is happening to me as it has for thousands of generations should not be making me feel isolated from the flow of daily life.

John is still reluctant to accept this aspect of me. Am I like a fragile piece of crystal that will shatter if the wind blows? Yes, it is true that my encounter with the Wraith Queen makes me apprehensive. I now know what I can and cannot do. I will not risk my child. Never again.

But not all the men appear as troubled. Major Lorne has delighted me with his genuine support. I believe he must have had a strong mother and several sisters as positive role models. Or a kind grandmother.

And Ronon. Dear Ronon. They look at you and see a fierce warrior. I look at you and see a good friend. But, no, do not trade upon our friendship, for I will not call my child Ronon. I have chosen a name for my son, but it will bide its time in my heart until he is born. It is a small superstition but I feel it is permitted.

I had hoped I would have found greater solidarity among the women here. But I am disappointed.

The women are focused intently on their positions, on their responsibilities. I know that is why they came here to this galaxy, but still I miss the company of women.

Even though no one will speak openly about these things, I know men and women meet under cover of darkness, seeking furtive pleasure and reassurance, that they are not alone, overwhelmed by the unknown dangers of this galaxy.

More secret still are the rare meetings between men with men or women with women. Sometimes, the longer I stay with these people, the less I understand of what they perceive to be human nature.

But, as I learned from a few of the younger women in the military contingent, there will be no unforeseen pregnancies as a result of these couplings. Before arriving in this galaxy, all of the women were injected with a substance to prevent conception, vital especially in the case of force. It is repugnant to think of what our enemies can do to us against our will.

So, yet again, I am alone. Unique.

These young women are often crude, as they feel they must compete with the men on the men's terms. But at least they are willing to talk to me honestly, unlike the women who are scientists. I am constantly puzzled by this separation of femaleness from their daily lives.

I am a leader of my people by birthright. It is a sacred trust bestowed through my father.

I am a warrior for my people by necessity. The Wraith have made it a reality.

But I am also a woman longing to be surrounded by my kind. Where I would feel nurtured and cherished as my pregnancy developed, as my body blossomed. At least I can be reminded of what I should be feeling, now that I no longer have to cover up.

To hide.

I disrobe and revel alone in my quarters as my breasts swell, my belly curves outwards. Yes, Dr. Keller maintains a professional oversight from week to week, but that is merely her job.

I miss the women.

Our weekly gatherings by the hot springs.

Our joy in being female, in celebrating the distinct stages of life.

When I was very young, I came with my mother who taught me how to swim here. The water in the shallows was warm and gentle, a faint reminder of the months I floated serene and secure within her body.

When I grew older, I became more bold, frolicking with the other little girls in the cooler rapids, our exertion and exuberance keeping the chill away.

As I matured, my body changing shape to reflect the miraculous burst of hormones within me, leading me to feel everything as new again, I would join the other young women in the secluded, barely-lit caves, where hesitant hands would reach out, gliding within secret valleys, trickling through unexpected hairs, hovering over soft billows of trembling flesh. This was where I found my first pleasure, my tiny gasps being swallowed up whole, kissed away into infinity by my closest friends, as my body surged through quivering, rhythmic undulations, scattering ripples in every direction from the source of life.

And, now, I would have been with the mothers, those who had already strengthened the bonds between my people, giving us new hope that this babe or that one could save us forever from the enemy.

Here, at the mineral mud flats, they would have caressed my weary limbs, massaged my expanding belly and aching back with the soothing mud, leaving me in a state of euphoria, renewing my strength so that I would feel confident to carry the child to its full term.

And, finally, a few months hence, I would have been surrounded and supported under the sparkling, dancing waterfall by all of my sisters, from the youngest to the oldest; all would have rejoiced with me as I held up my newborn, to be washed clean and welcomed properly into the never-ending cycle of life.

Excuse me if I voice my doubt, but “Girls' Poker Night” does not fill me with any similar confidence.

So, I will continue to fight – as I can – alone, until my son is revealed to me, to all those around me. And, then, I will return to my quest to find my people.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: The characters belong(ed) to a whole bunch of alphabetical entities. I know the Polish and Ancient Egyptian alphabets. Not the same thing. Not for profit, just fun.
> 
> ORIGINAL DISTRIBUTION: Posted on January 25, 2008, to my LJ as well as "sga_episodefic" and "teylafen" communities on LJ.


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